Kata-kataku untukmu, 2012

Hai 2012,
Aku datang padamu untuk mengucapkan bahwa keberadaanmu membuatku sakit.
Aku datang padamu untuk mengatakan bahwa keberadaanmu itu terasa pahit, sepahit obat cina yang harus Aku minum dikala radang tenggorokanku kambuh.
Aku datang padamu untuk menyerukan bahwa keberadaanmu telah menorehkan beberapa luka, yang masih terasa perih hingga saat ini.

Hai 2012,
Kamu tahu bahwa keberadaanmu sudah membuatku jungkir balik kan?
Kamu tahu bahwa keberadaanmu membuatku susah tidur?
Kamu tahu bahwa keberadaanmu seringkali membuatku tertunduk lesu dan menangis?

Apakah saya marah padamu, 2012?

Dengarkan aku 2012,
Karena Aku hanya akan mengatakan ini padamu satu kali

2012,,
Kamu memang bukanlah tahun yang penuh bunga, tapi ternyata kamu dihiasi dengan berbagai bunga yang cukup banyak dan cukup harum untuk mewarna hariku..

Kamu memang bukanlah tahun yang sangat damai, tapi ternyata aku membutuhkan ketidakdamaian dan ketidaktenangan itu untuk melecutkan diriku agar melompat lebih tinggi.

Kamu memang bukanlah tahun yang penuh keberhasilan, tapi ternyata kegagalan yang hadir justru membuatku menjadi lebih menghargai seberapa besar variabel usaha dan doa menjadi penentu dalam masa depanku.

Kamu memang bukanlah tahun yang membuatku selalu bernapas lega, tapi ternyata aku memang butuh untuk merasakan sesaknya napas agar aku belajar untuk berbagi dan memberikan kasih sayang.

Kamu memang bukanlah tahun yang spektakuler, tapi aku belajar bahwa memang tidak semua hal harus selalu spektakuler, karena bila begitu, tidak akan ada lagi yang namanya sesuatu yang luar biasa.

2012,,
Terima kasih untuk semua keluh kesah, kebingungan, kekecewaan dan kesedihan yang kau hadirkan..
Karena dengan mengalaminya, aku dapat menemukan kehangatan dari sebuah genggaman tangan, ketenangan dari sebuah pelukan, kenyamanan dari obrolan hati ke hati, senyum simpul dari ingatan akan kenangan lalu, kedamaian dari perhatian orang-orang yang dicintai dan tentunya keagungan Allah SWT, bahwa Ia memang tidak pernah tidur dan selalu ada bagi hambaNya, kapanpun, dimanapun, apapun keadaannya.

2012,,
Senang bertemu denganmu. Bawalah temanmu yang bernama 2013.

2013,,
Sampai bertemu ya..
Tidak sabar untuk menjadi teman seperjalananmu.

The Bali Trip

BALI TRIP!!!!
 

I had a very wonderful moment to finish my year of 2011.
On the 21st-23rd of December, i and 10 of my friends in Master of Professional Psychology got the chance to be participants of 2nd International Conference of Indigenous Cultural Psychology in Bali. We've done many things, but our main purpose was to present our research, which were our bachelor thesis research. 

It was really amazing experience. We -11 of us- were all women and you can imagine how chatty it was to be near us on the bus. For this kind of event, Mas hakim was the only one witness of this (not so) surprised conditions. 

We started this experience, waaaayyyyy long ago, about 3 months ago when our head of Clinical Department in Master of Professional Psychology, Bu Bo, offered us to send our research's abstract to the committee  of 2nd ICICP. So there we were, bunch of innocent people tried to deal with the luck and we made it. We got the letter of acceptance. Because of the "storm" called Psychodiagnostics Block came to our way, we ignored this LOA and we indulged ourselves into the beauty of PSD. 

So, about a month before the conference, we realized that it was the time for us to made our mind, whether we were still going or not. Done with the thinking and we said "what the hell,, let's give us a chance". Then, we hurried things up, did the payment, coordinated with few people about the accomodation, transportation and stuff and finally we ended up with the result that: 
1) we're gonna take the bus for the round trip
2) we booked rooms at the very affordable price hotel, near Udayana 
3) we were gonna rent the motorcycle while we were there

As it was fixed, we were pretty much settle. a week before the conference, we started to be anxious because we hadn't done any preparation about the presentation. Especially me. i was gonna take this presentation as nothing to lose presentation. this kind of thinking stucked in my head for few days UNTIL i read the presentation schedule and found out that i was in the same session with MANY EXPERIENCED SPEAKER. Aaaahh,,, i felt like i wanted to roll over the floor and cried -No Kidding!!!-. 

Long put short, we finally came to the day of departure. With the psychosomatic symptom in me, i convinced myself that i was gonna be OK, no matter what. So off we went to Bali with Safari Dharma Jaya Bus. It took us about 22 hours to arrive at the Bus Station in Bali. We continued our journey with Angkot to reach Udayana and the Hotel. Mind you, this angkot was full with bunch of travel bags and 12 people. Imagine how crowded it was :))

The Bus

 

 

Sunrise from the ferry to Gilimanuk Bali

The Angkot

We checked in and went to our rooms. my roommate this time was Anggi. our first room was .... Ummm,,, i dont know how to put it into words. Umm,,, well. I and Anggi were the type of person who think that Bathroom is the most important thing of the room, which it should be clean and comfy. ours were not. Thank God, we changed room and the bathroom was better, not much, but enough. 

The room

after got ourselves registered, i, anggi, maya, uki, devi and salma walked around the hotel, catched the angkot and tried to find the motorcylce rental. It wasn't easy move though. We -who used to ride the motorcycle everywhere in Jogja- had to struggle with the heat of Bali by walking. We gave up and catched another angkot which then brought us the new adventure of wondering the gangs of Bali. It was really something that you couldnt think of. 

The Angkot which brought us inside the gangs of Bali

Later at evening, we had this wonderful opening ceremony in GWK. we had a fine dining in one of the best view restaurant in Bali and be presented very beautiful Bali dancing.  i was amazed by the dance named Bali Mini. it was about the relationship between man and man, man and nature, also man and God. The dance was Epic! Very beautiful coreography and lighting. WELL DONE!

Before the dinner

The next two days were days of presentation. Mine was on the last day of conference. I was nervous like hell. i didnt prepare myself much, because of the black out happened the night before my schedule. i was sleep deprived because Anggi was afraid to Dark and couldnt sleep. So i tried to accompany her but when it was 3 am, i couldnt help myself but falling asleep. In the morning, when i wanted to rehearse my presentation, i found out that the file was missing. 

Presentation time

Fortunately i saved my -almost- done presentation in Anggi's lappy so i didnt have to start over. By the time my time came, i was still nervous. So i said to the audience 

my lecturer once said by being honest about your condition at the moment of stress, you're going to unleash your stress. So i'm going to admit that i'm now having cold hands and very nervous. 

what happened next? 
the audience clapped their hands and all of the sudden i got all the confidence in me to start talking and did the presentation well (i guess). 


Because it was the last day of conference, we had the closing ceremony which was also wonderful. The rest of the night were spent with little bit of shopping. It was such a long tiring day, so we went home right away and rested our body and be prepared for the sunrise seeing in Sanur. 

At 5 am, we left Hotel by motorcycle and rode to Sanur. Before we arrived in Sanur, we stopped at Circle K to buy drinks. Mbak Ima said that there was something wrong with her motorcycle, it couldnt be startered. we all tried our best to startered but none worked. Mbak Ima was sure it wasn't the fuel, because it was full. i and anggi rode our bike ahead to find the mechanic, but none were already opened, so we headed back. 


2 guys helped us to check the machine. no troubles were found. 1 of the guy then opened the fuel tank and he shouted 

no fuel..

we were just starring each other and bursted into great laugh. My God, we spent almost 15 mins, checked on the machine and only found out the only problem was no fuel? You gotta be kidding me. And guess what? The fuel station was right in front of the CK. Felt like God already showed us the answer, it was just us who couldnt understand what He was trying to say in the first place. 


This problem sorted out, we went to Sanur only to find that it was full and it wasnt as good as we thought. I, who asked budi to be our tour guide that day, called Budi and she asked us to go to Mertasari Beach, near her house. So off we went. we met Budi in the halfway and Mertasari was such a beauty. With the sun started to go up, we took bunch of pictures. I also had the chance to catch up with Budi, updated few gossips then Budi invited the 9 of us to her home. 


She showed us what the Balinese's house like. Her house was lovely. i wanted the house like hers. It felt like you have your own art gallery and garden in your house. Soooooo relaxing. If i had the chance to sleep over, i would use my time only to enjoy the atmosphere of the house and SLEEP!! 


After had our mini brekky, we were off to Mangrove forest. It took us about 20 minutes of riding thru By Pass, but it was worth it. The forest was awesome, with lots of spot to take pictures.

The Closing ceremony

Sanur

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mertasari

Budi

mangrove forest

At 9.30 am, we all went back to Denpasar, had Brunch then got ourselves back to hotel. all washed up and ready to check out. By 2 pm, we were already in the bus station, ready to go back to Jogja. 


That was pretty much what happened in Bali. 
Too many details unwritten, but those would always be remembered. 


I had soo much Fun and im sure my friends too. 
It was my first time to present my research in the front of distinguished speakers from all over the world. Even tough i have to suffer another psychosomatic, i dare to take the challenge to be involved in the next conferences.

In the front of the venue

2nd ICICP

 

a simple Thank You

I would say Thanks for all the things you said
because somehow, it makes me stronger

I would say many thanks for all stories you told me
because somehow, you suck me up to your world and pretty much introduce me to your world

I would say big big thanks for all your comments
because somehow, i got a feeling that you understand

I would say thanks a bunch for your perfect sayings. even tough it's only simple "ooo"
because somehow, you know that all i need is ears to listen

Are the things all out now?
No, to be honest too many things unspoken

but i prefer it that way for now
i dont know for few days, months or years ahead

as long as those ears are there
i would say im perfectly okay

Bewitched by ...

Banyak hal yang dapat membuat seorang Nhira terdiam, mengangakan mulutnya tanpa sadar dan menahan nafas barang beberapa detik saking terpesonanya

Tapi, kalau boleh jujur,,

sedikiiiiit sekali hal yang benar-benar membuatku hampir kehabisan nafas, mengalami serangan lutut lemas mendakak dan tak lupa senyum-senyum sendiri sambil mata memancarkan sinar yang tak terdefinisi

salah satu hal yang dapat menghasilkan efek samping diatas adalah 

 

JIKUSTIK 

Tiap kali jikustik tampil di layar kaca, aku akan selalu usahain BANGET buat nonton..

gimanapun caranya,,,

pernah pas waktu itu di kos, aku belum ada tv pribadi n sejak jauh-jauh hari aku udah tahu kalau Jikustik bakal manggung di salah satu stasiun tv nasional. Demi ngeliat mereka nih,,,saat itu juga aku langsung bilang sama salah satu mbak kos aku yang punya tv, nanyain kira-kira bisa nggak aku "numpang" di kamarnya sebentaaar aja buat ngeliat mereka perform. 

bayang pun,,, aku tuh orang yang cenderung nggak suka mengandalkan  dan ngerepotin orang lain dan sekarang demi Jikustik aku rela deh ganggu mbak kos ku bentar untung liat aksi mereka. 

Saat ngeliat mereka yah,,,SUMPAH!!!! aku bakal cuma diam, mata lurus ke arah tv dan frekuensi berkedip akan berkurang drastis. bibir tak hentinya membentuk senyuman kecil dan kalau mau tau? Jantung rasanya berdegup sangat kencang dan sangat lambat dalam waktu yang bersamaan. 

Ckckckckck...

cuma itu yang bisa keluar dari bibir ini 

Pastinya dong yah, diantara sekelompok bintang yang bersinar akan ada bintang yang sinarnya paling terang, 

aku juga gitu tuh. 

Aku CINTA MATI sama jikustik, tapi tetep ada 1 orang yang bener-bener aku CINTA..

he's one if Jiks personils named Icha 

 

Icha a.k.a Aji Muhammad Mirza Ferdinand Hakim 

God, kalau si Mulan Jameela bilang 

kau adalah mahluk Tuhan yang paling seksi 

then i'd say Ichaku adalah mahluk Tuhan yang paling indah :P

right, in my eyes he's so damn perfect. 

Pernah nih ya akhirnya aku ketemu sama dia FACE TO FACE,,

Ya Allah,,,lutut rasanya lemeeeees banget..

posisi dia tuh di depan aku

harusnya kalau aku lagi punya akal sehat, aku bakal langsung manggil dong yah

Tapi?? what did i do??

i was like cursed...

i was immobile..

akal sehatku cepat mengambil alih dan akhirnya tanpa pikir panjang aku teriak rada nyaring 

Mas Icha, salaman dong !!!

Hahahaaha,,,,,beribu banyak kalimat yang ada,,

aku malah minta salaman sama Icha.. :P

tapi...tapi...tapi...it was really worth it loh,,

Icha langsung berbalik, senyum dan bibirnya berkata 

Eh iya,,,boleh!!! (Sambil ngulurin tangannya)

pas akhirnya kita salaman pun, aku udah rasanya mau lumer...hehehe

*even thinking about it now makes me act kinda crazy 

apalagi nih,,,saat akhirnya aku mengekor dia dan akhirnya nebelin muka untuk minta dia foto berdua. 

and as i predicted before, he said YES

 

akhirnya,,,,Icha dan Aku

Pagi tadi nih, kegilaanku akan si mas satu ini keulang LAGI DAN LAGI 

tadi pagi Icha perform di Dahsyat, 

aku udah tahu berita ini dari minggu lalu, jadi langsunglah aku taruh event ini di reminder hp ku (Just in case, otakku yang sangat brillian ini melupakan hal yang sangat penting ini :P)

jadilah tadi pagi aku nonton icha perform di Dahsyat,,

n oh My...

He's as gorgeous as what i always imagine :P

 

udah ada 2 album solo yang dilahirkan Icha sejauh ini

album pertama Yang Jauh Disana,,,

sempat rada tersanjung sih sebenernya, abis album ini keluar pas aku lagi nggak ada di Indonesia. 

pas banget kan?? Yang jauh disana

sekarang,,Icha datang dengan album baru lagi.

judul albumnya Bintang Yang Bersinar

udah tahu single baru dalam album kedua nya ini? 

judulnya Terimalah Maafku (Pujaanku)

seriously, this sing is really deep and drop dead beautiful :)

kalau buka blog aku juga langsung disuguhi playlist kan? 

check out the song on the top of playlist, itu lagunya Icha :)

here's the video 

Terimalah maafku (Pujaanku) 

so what are you waiting for??

Get his CD NOW...

i'd lead my feet to the nearest CD store as well

PS::: next time i'd write another thing about Jikustik and also about this gorgeous man

My silent witnesses

Surely, there are people and things that follow the whole or maybe only part of  your life journey

it's such a huge lie if  i say that that statement of mine is wrong.

i do have people who watch me grow, see the activities of mine and also be there when i feel like i wanna balance my own life.

the thing i want to share now is about THINGS that follow my life journey.

all right, maybe it's kinda silly, but i wanna make a confession that not anyone knows.

i have such a huge bonding -if you don't call it weird- towards my bedrooms

i don't know why it happens, but it just happens.

every time i'm away from home, the thing i miss first is my bedroom.

i miss lying myself on my comfy bed. FYI my bed isn't a feather bed yet air bed. it's just an ordinary sponge bed.

i miss cuddling my pillows

sneak into my blanket when the fan made the room so freezing

and beyond that, i miss my personal thought and talking when i'm alone, right to the place where i feel really comfortable.

if you ask me, where's my comfort zone?

i'd all of the sudden answer "MY BEDROOM"

since i was born until now, i have 7 bedrooms.

quiet a few surely,,

but each bedrooms has their own personal story.

my first one was my baby till i 8 years old.

this room was on my grandma's house. i had lots n lots wicked story about this bedroom.

i used to sleep here with my parents and may parents and also my little sister.

what story in my kiddies time do you want to know?

1 of the happy story was when i finally have my own bed...

such a cute bed though, 2 layers bed with all pinkish bedsheet.

 and Ooohh...when i was little, i used to ask my mum and dad to make the milk. i always have the "boss feeling" after i decide who should make my milk tonight. hahaha

sad story?? surely when my mum got angry with me :)

i also remember when there was a thief who tried to steal from this bedroom.

he tried to steal at midnite, luckily my dad hadn't slept yet. so it was quiet easy for him to know when there was something wrong going on.

if i have the chance to have myself riding the time machine, i'd love to be back on this "bedroom" time.

pure and innocent bedroom for someone like me.

second bedroom,,

i got this bedroom when my family finally move to a new house.

actually i didn't live in this house quiet long, i bet it's only 3 or 4 years.

but that didn't mean i never have wicked experience in that bedroom of mine..

it's my bedroom of my OWN. i own this room for myself..

i remember when i slept late only to make summary for my interschool competition, when i made my own calendar and also when i was sick and grumbeling random things..

then finally i was moving in to my grandma's again,,

because my grand dad died and my grandma needed more company in her big house. 

then it lead me to my 

third bedroom..

i stayed at this room since i was on 6th grade till my 11st grade. 

this is where i spent my teen's life..

lots of stormy days, fear, hopes, everything!!

this room is a place where i started to read before i sleep and this habit grow,,until now. 

this room is also place where i spent my days n night to prepare for my exchange year. 

all expectation, fear, all gather in one..

then finally i move to my 

fourth bedroom

this bedroom is located miles away from my hometown, Samarinda..

this cute bedroom is in Albany, Western Australia.
my bedroom for about 11 months. 

if this room could talk, then you might hear this room tell you about the joy when i experienced something new and challenging, it will tell you about the nights that i spent only for crying because of my homesick, the nights that i spent while i was so in love with the novels and wrote my diaries, tried to put everything which happen on that day into words, days when this room was extremely messy, when it's loaded with stuff that i wanted to fit in my suitcase. my activities when i tried to make a book for my host fam, my smile when i finally see my sun flower grew directly to my bedroom window, sneaked into the blanket when winter came, my look when finally morning came then i have to made myself out of the bed. 

 

 

especially, this room wouldnt forget to tell you about my bitter sweet feeling when i finally made my way to Albany an also my last night in this beautiful bedroom before i headed back to my hometown then finally met my new bedroom.

my fifth bedroom..

it's in my grandma's, basically i'm back to my first bedroom

but now, this bedroom is now on its fresh look. 

quiet different to my old one. 

this is my room where i planned my future, where i imagined all of my dreams, studied (not too) hard for my final exam, sometimes also felt the emptiness, questioned myself, tried to figure everything out...

oohh,,life goes on. then i moved to Yogyakarta for a better future. 

this is where i found my 

sixth bedroom 

it's a quiet small room actually, especially if you compare it to my fifth.

apart of that fact, i love this bedroom. 

this is a place where i stepped my new life in yogyakarta. 

this is a place where i watched lots n lots films, reality show etc and then i smiled, laughed out loud and also cried. 

this is a place where i and my uni mates gathered to do assignments, gossiping, talked heart to heart, even made the birthday presents. 

a place where i hung few inspiring words, pray, vision board, pictures, birthday greetings and presents..

this is also a place where i questioned myself (again), when i felt desperate, confuse, afraid, anxious..

but,,this is also a place where i made few decisions upon my consideration to be success and finally achieve my dreams..

i stayed at this room for about 2 years then i chose to move to...

my seventh bedroom..

this is a place where i'm sitting and writing this post. 

i just moved into this bedroom yesterday. 

such a tiring day, i assure you. 

day full of sneezing and now i'm having a bit of fever. 

still a lot more days to come. 

the days wont be as smooth as i want it to be, but i believe i can pass those days very well. 

i know it's kinda silly to write such a long post only to tell you about my bedrooms. 

i always believe that i have such a strong bond towards my bedroom..

i don't know why, but one thing i know is

my bedroom is my comfort zone, where i can do everything i want. without no one else has to say NO

and, it's not only ordinary bedroom

my bedrooms are my silent witnesses.

those bedrooms know me perfectly, it'd reveal the deepest side of Nhira that no one would knows.

we are not invincible

-KUTIPAN DARI BLOG RADITYA DIKA-




Okay. Here goes, gue harus nulis ini:

Temen baik gue meninggal minggu lalu.
Temen gue dari SMA sampe sekarang.
One of the smartest friends I got.

Kabar duka itu menabrak gue tiba-tiba di tengah pagi buta, lewat sebuah SMS. Begitu gue baca SMS yang mengabarkan dia meninggal, di saat itu pula gue diem lama. It made me think. Ketika salah satu dari teman baik lo meninggal, di saat itu juga kita sadar bahwa, we are not invincible. Sebelumnya, gue selalu menganggap kematian sebagai suatu hal yang jauh dari diri gue. Gue selalu berpikir, “Well, men, gue masih 24 tahun, gue gak mungkin kenapa-kenapa! Orang jarang ada meninggal umur 24 tahun. Gue bakal mati karena tua.” Sekarang, kematian temen gue ini seperti semacam wake-up call bagi gue. Bahwa no, you are not invicible. It could be you. Umur gak ada yang tahu.

So, keesokan harinya,
I came to her funeral.

Dan sewaktu gue dateng ke pemakaman dia, ada temen-temen gue juga di sana. Di antara temen-temen gue yang dateng, ada yang enggak terlalu kenal sama dia. Ada yang udah kenal banget. Ada yang dulu temen sekelas. Ada yang emang baru deket setelah lulus. Bermacam-macam temen dateng ke sana, tapi mereka punya satu kesamaan: they wanted to see her for the last time. Mereka sayang sama temen gue itu. Mereka menyayangkan kenapa hidupnya harus selesai secepet itu.

As I sat outside, di kursi yang disediakan untuk pelayat, ada yang bilang, “Sayang banget ya, orangnya baik.” Gue sendiri bilang, “Dia bener-bener salah satu orang yang menginspirasi gue”. I know we shouldn’t talk about the dead pas lagi ngelayat. But I can’t help it. She really inspires me. Tulisan-tulisan dia witty, cerkas. Dia pintar. Gue suka banget ngobrol sama dia. Dia mengenalkan gue pada banyak penulis. And then I saw her di pembaringan, smiling peacefully. Kayak tidur nyenyak. So, this is death, my friend? Is it this peaceful?

And you know what? Duduk di antara pelayat-pelayat itu, I can’t help to wonder: gimana ya pemakaman gue nanti? Yes, kadang gue suka berkhayal, seperti apa pemakaman gue nanti. Apa banyak yang datang? Apa ada yang datang? Apa yang mereka bakal bilang tentang gue? Apa kenangan yang mereka inget tetang gue? Apa ada yang rela nyetir mobil, susah-susah parkir, untuk ngeliat gue untuk terakhir kali ya? Apa iya, ada?

Kadang gue ngerasa, kematian adalah topik yang sensitif untuk kita.
Sesuatu yang “ada” tapi selalu kita deny keberadaannya.
Living is constant denying for death.

Kita hidup di dunia ini seolah-olah kematian tidak exist. Kita makan, kita bercanda, kita karaoke, kita jatuh cinta. We forget about death. We are too busy with our distraction. But it is there. And when it hits, it hits hard. Gue udah kehilangan nenek gue. Itu sekali. Kehilangan tante gue. Itu dua kali. But I never feel this sad kehilangan temen gue yang satu ini. Gak tau kenapa. Mungkin karena gue keilangan nenek gue sewaktu gue masih kecil? Atau mungkin gue gak terlalu deket sama tante gue? Atau mungkin, temen gue ini, yang gue anggep cerdas, pinter, baik, tadinya invincible tapi akhirnya bisa juga dipanggil sama Yang Maha Kuasa? I don’t know.

Pulang dari pemakaman, nyetir mobil sendirian, gue ngerasa kecil. Gue ngerasa gue harus make something out of life. Badan ini dipinjamkan. Setiap tarikan napas, adalah satu tarikan napas lagi mendekati kematian. Kita harus ngebuat lebih banyak karya, lebih banyak menikmati hidup, lebih banyak mengambil kesempatan. Hidup ini cuman sekali. Akan sangat sayang untuk kita buang begitu aja. I have to enjoy life.

And, mungkin gue suatu hari bakalan mati, tapi gue pengen ngebuat sesuatu yang enggak bakal mati. Katanya Chuck Palahniuk, “The goal is not to life forever, but to create something that will.” Hidup terus. Dengan apa pun.

Temen gue itu,
tidak akan pernah gue lupain.

Gue juga gak mau dilupakan.
Gue gak mau hanya menjadi semacam nama yang hilang begitu saja.

Nama yang dipajang di atas semacam nisan, yang mungkin pertama-tama sering dikunjungi,
namun lama-lama semakin jarang. Hingga pada akhirnya hanya menjelang bulan puasa.
Nama di sebuah nisan yang berlumut. Usang. Bau. Ditakuti orang lewat.

Dan sewaktu hidup, gue gak mau jadi semacam jiwa yang memenuhi bumi ini,
menyesaki kota ini,
sama-sama makan, minum, berak, bicara. Untuk apa?

Gue mau jadi spesial.
Or, I wan’t to die special.