Happy 18th nhira

August 20, 2006 by mythoughtsnfeelings | Edit

Dear World…..

I wanna shout loudly….

OoooOOOoooIIIiiii……I’m 18th….

Duh…seneng banget akhirnya udah 18 tahun. but Ssstt…..sampe sekarang, aku blom ada KTP nih. Hihihi….penduduk gelap nih.

Pak RT jangan marah2 ya !!!!

Hehehe…pagi tadi kan aku masih di Penajam tuh. n pas bangun tidur, HP ku udah penuh ma sms dr anak2. Katanya macem2 tapi intinya tetep ngucapin Met Ultah. Hhh…rasanya beda aja gitu. Tahun kemaren, aku ngerayain Sweet 17 aku di luar, bareng orang2 yang notabenenya baru dikenal kurang dr 24 jam, n now…i’m back to my family’s embrace. Yuhuuu……

Jadi lebih ngerasain arti dari sebuah kejadian. i have more respect with the thing that i never took 4 granted. Hmm…..hari nih banyak banget kejadian yang terjadi. sampe lomba2 17an yang gokil abis. Nontonnya aja udah bikin sakit perut, gimana kalau ikut yah???

Aku dapet boneka pink n hal2 berbau pink dr keluargaku smua….Hmm…..tau aja apa yang aku mau. Hihihiihi…..

Hhh…Pusing neeeh. adek sepupuku bawel amat sih. Heboh sendiri ngeliat foto2 temennya di FS. Duh….Yang telmi nih sebenernya siapa sih??? udaH GITU pake nanya2 terus….mana bawelnya ampun2 an deh….

God….save me please !!!!

btw, Thanks ya Allah atas hari yang menyenangkan ini n atas limpahan rahmatMu selama ini. Nhira bersyukur udah hidup selama 18 tahun ini, n nhira pengen terus ngebahagiain ortu n chase my dreams. Hope i still have plenty of times to do it.

Thanks ya Allah…..

Watch out !!!! your brain’s gonna blow up…..

Hehehehe…..^_^ Just Kidding…

your brain ain’t gonna blow up…well…mine is.

these last few days…all rite few weeks…i’ve been thinking a lot about everything. make me feel kinda happy, sad, confuse (well…it’s not me if i’m not), become too sensitive. anyway if u imagine my feeling as clothes u’ll say nothing but mix n match.

Ohh yeah…that’s what it is. but the question is why i suddenly think about all of these stuff??? Don’t ask me, don’t ask anybody either cos they won’t know. Get real…me the one who feel it know NOTHING about it, so how could u think they know???? Hahahaha……

Well…to be honest i really don’t know.

i just have more time to think i s’pose

i love to think about all of the things that happened in the past

FLASHBACK……

that’s the word.

i just love to sit anywhere i feel comfortable n then just ask a question to myself "what did i do on this date at the same hour last year?" silly but it happens

n then all of those memories are ready to "attack" me….. i feel like they shout at me…."Nhira…u gotta remember me, or else…."

"Else what???" wish i could say that to myself. But it’s good though, i don’t think it’s a mistake to do that. for me it’s kinda a reflection for me…

did i do something useful last year???

did i just wasting my times???

or did i do something fun??? with whom???

n bla bla bla bla

in the end…i feel really relax…i feel like there r tons of stones r lifted from my shoulders. dunno why…but i just feel it.

speaking of flash back…i remember….Today 18th of august 2005. last year 18th of august 2005 i flew out to Australia. the place i always dream about… after all of those exhausted days….waited…waited…n waited for my visa…finally i got it. CORRECTION..WE GOT IT.

That’s the day i had to say goodbye to my parents, my sissy, n my nanna. Kinda sad…but i didn’t cry, i smiled instead. eventhough only God knows what i felt at that time. i didn’t wanna make such a drama…cos i always believe i’m going to come back here again.

it’s only temporarily goodbye….i’m going to face something new up…so cheer up n don’t think too much about the things u r leaving. n it worked…i didn’t cry until i was on the plane to perth.

u know what……

i don’t care if everyone says that i’m too sensitive or so….

i’m just trying to be honest to myself…

i don’t wanna keep it for myself, cos i wanna share it to u

cos i believe there’s at least 1 girl/boy who feel like i do….

i think it’s just the way we r to see something…

different’s not always a bad thing, is it?????

ups n downs curve of our live

Have u ever thought about what u’ve done to your life???

What have u been doing lately???

Have u ever realized that u sometimes only have 1 chance of your life to do something??

Have u ever faced something that makes u think life is totally unpredictable, life is like a rollercoaster, life is like the movement of wheels ??? Have u???

Well…to be honest, i actually haven’t felt all of those things above. But i kinda know what they feel like…especially the last one

Life is like the movement of wheels. it’s sooooooo right, if i could give this a range mark, i would give 10 for it.

There’s nobody who always sits on the top, there’s one little time he sits on the bottom. n also other way around… all rite..flash back !!!!!

i remember last year, all of my friends came to my house to say goodbye to me. eventhough it was only 1 year goodbye, it was pretty sad. we’ve been together for several years n now we have to say goodbye. it just wasn’t seem right.

Nia wrote a letter to me, she wrote everything about us. about ur dreams, n heaps of silly things that only us could do… (Picture this …plan your future in front of the Batagor tent o the side of the street ). Hmm…kinda silly but it happened…. i brought that letter n other letters from friends of mine with me, they were pretty good medicine though, if i was missing home heaps, i just read all of those letters n another secs after that, u’ll see me laugh, cry n sometimes both. What a feeling !!!!! how could those bloody letters make me cry???? Ha???

Hmm….as i said, life is like the movement of wheels. the story above was about last year… MY PAST n now i live in the present, life’s still goes on…n i’m moving on. Well…everybody’s moving on. i only had a chance to meet some of my friends for a while, even i haven’t met some of them. Well…well…well….i came to nia’s house tonite, n it was really weird when i wrote a letter to her. now it’s time to her to go, try to reach her dreams n i’ll try to reach my dreams.

Hahahaha……….what a life can be!!!! u just never know what the hell is waiting for u ahead. is it bad ?? is it good?? are u gonna be happy?? u can reach your future, but can u have your past back?? can u catch the wind which made u fall really badly before??? can u??? even just to make sure u won’t fall because of the same wind anymore…. R U BRAVE ????????

now i throw this question to u… R U BRAVE ???? r u brave enough to admit all of your fault??? brave enough to see what the hell u did so that u failed ??? brave enough to finally build your mountain of hopes again ??? brave enough to convince yourselves to keep going n never give up???

R U ????????

I’m HOME !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Halo…..semua….. pa kabar???? i wanna scream loudly…

I’M HOME EVRYBODY!!!!! Udah balik nih…..Definitely old old story if i said i was sooo sad when i left aussie. Short story…Mum,Sam,Indi n Oli ngantar aku ke bandara, pas juga brooke ma mamanya, host mumnya jimmy, maria, chihiro, n tangmo nganterin….

n when i walked towards the gate…i was (once again) full of tears…Ihh…cengeng amat…sam tried to call me down by saying "Think about you family", N IT WORKED….langsung berenti sobbingnya n senyum deh…. Thankfully, the plane was pretty full so i didn’t have time to think about the past (well…of course i did) but i didn’t cry…. Gimme a clap!!!!!

My flight to jakarta was changed, so i could get in there earlier…so i called my dad but he didn’t answer it. "Hmm….i think they won’t see me when i walked out" n yeah…i was true. i had to find public telephone, n called my dad. first try…didn’t work, so i rang my aunts n asked my cousin to tell my dad about me then i called him again n it worked. he asked me to wait outside, but apparently there was a miscommunication. so i waited…waited and waited. i wore my jumper at that time…silly move though. so i put it off (ga’ kuat bo!!!! panas banget….). i walked round n round n round…i waste my first hour just for looking for them….n finally when i wanted to call them again…i saw my grams, mum n sissy. They pretty shocked at that time…. anyway…we talked about everything…i didn’t feel any strange feeling when i saw them. just felt like usual, that’s good then….

so off we went to my aunts….ate Gado-gado…Hooray!!!!! asyik banget….mulai ngersa hot dech…duh…panas banget sih ni…. n abis gitu…got ready 4 going to Kebayoran lagi…soalnya mo ori bareng anak2 laen. deg-deg an banget….still remember the last orientation…Duh…capeknya!!!!

kan dateng ke kebayoranya kecepatan tuh…jadi papa ngajak ke rumah makan padang gitu….Aduh…ayam pop ma sambel ijo rasanya nikmaaaat banget. pas ampir jam 6an, dateng deh ke kantor AFS, disambut ma kak karin…ketemu juga ma kakak2 yang laen…mereka tu super duper ramah bo!!! emang sih pas akhir2 Ori kemaren juga udah keliatan ramahnya, tp karena nih pikirn masih terprovokasi ma marah2nya mereka, jadi gak gitu nangkep deh.

Prana yg harusnya udah pulang n ori dr dulu-dulu bareg anak2 YES laen,ngikut ori anak2 aussie soalnya dia kena cacar di hari2 terakhir. jadi kita ber2 asyik2 aja ngobrol sambil nungguin 3 anak aussie lain…satu2 mereka dateng, Renda disusul jessy trus windy yg paling telat gara2 nyasar. Ya ampun…kangen banget ya, ngobrol ma anak2 itu…kita saling ejek2an…felt like i’m Home…emang udah kali………

Re-orinya tuh asyik banget…tiap abis 1 sesi, selalu istirahat, udah gitu kakak2nya juga pada senyum mulu….n kita juga lebih santai, udah gitu makananya juga…Mbak is top banget deh…sambelnya sedap banget….Sesi pertama tuh napak Tilas…paling berkesan nih. kita disuruh nutup mata, trus lagu2 instrumental n sedih itu diputar n kak reza ngebacain raoughly pengalaman2 kita disana. saya ingat saat saya…. duh…windy duluan nangis disusul ma renda n finlly we all cried. sedih banget euy!!!! n sesi2 selanjutnya juga menarik…penjernihan nilai yang ternyata bisa jadi senjata kita, visi misi n yang terpenting tentang apa sh yg bisa kita lakuin untuk Indonesia tercinta, sounds cliche banget ya….tp ternyata kita juga bisa ngelakuinnya kok. hari terakhir Ori, ortu datang, kita diskusi bareng n juga kita dikasih sertifikat AFS. udah jadi returnee nih…n my programe hasn’t finished yet…it’s just began….

hari senin gitu, kita sekeluarga jalan2 ke ancol…ke sea world, ke samudra (4dnya bener2 keren dech) trus ke dufan. maen sepuas2nya….nhadia juga tetep ngelucu… berusaha bantuin aku "ngejar ketinggalan" akan hal2 baru yang terjadi selama aku gak ada.

yang lucu ya…ampir dr kita semua pada penasaran ma akhir cerita bawang merah bawang putih…samsons, nidji, n grup2 band lain…..apaan sih???? gak tau…..udah gitu yah…sampe sekarang, perutku sakiiiit banget. kasian banget…kagok nih perutnya…biasa diisi roti, tiba2 diisi nasi, sambel,ikan asin, sayur2 bersantan…gitu2 deh….maagnya kambuh ya????

kemaren malem nyampe rumah…disambut ma yang laen….duh…rasanya. tapi si alzan nih…adek sepupuku yg kecil n imut itu, udah lupa ma aku. dipegang aja ogah….apalagi dicium coba…. "ga’ au" pasti gitu deh jawabnya.udah bisa nyanyi… makin pinter ngomel pula….pas dia mau pulang, aku akhirnya berhasil gendong n maen2 ma dia…baru deh mulai kenal ma aku. bisa dicium-cium….

tadi juga lapor diri ke skul, guru2 pada teriak pas ngeliat aku. n tiba2 didaulat untuk ngomong ke anak2 kelas 1. ya elah….apa2an coba…. n nyampe rumah, terbantai deh…abis perutnya melilit banget. bangunnya pas mama pulang…eh gak lama pipit,dewi,papah, n ajeng dateng. langsung deh lari2…. mereka pada kaget liat rambutku yang panjang. kita ngobrol2 n gak lama kak natsir datang. jadi kita ngobrol bareng gitu. tmen2 pada tinggal ampe makan malem, fitria juga dateng…asyik2 aja deh ngobrolnya. KANGEN BERAT MA SEMUA…….

Huh…would it turn up all rite????

who knows….let it goes…..

The Truth is out And it hurts

Dear blog…

here i am

Once again

I’m torn into pieces

Can’t deny it

Can’t pretend

Hey… i won’t whingeing anymore. I promise..i won’t. time to go is indeed getting closer, but really, i won’t whingeing about it. Mungkin semua pada bosen kali ya, klo baca nih blog "Isinya kok omel-omelan mulu sih?? padahal kan yang punya blog nih remaja, bukan nenek-nenek" Hahaha….nagging grams kaleee….

udah tanggal 10 juli nih, 4 hari lagi..n I’M OUTTA HERE. kinda sad, but hey…i’m gonna see my family again, run into their embrace. Wooohoo!!!!! Ngomong-ngomong masalah keluarga, jadi inget ma keluarga yang bakal aku tinggalin nih. malem minggu kemaren, kita ada family dinner gitu. aku,Mum,Rob,sam,Stew,Indi n Oli pergi ke restaurant Country manor untuk dinner bareng. Huh…pas tuh menu dikasih ke kita, pada bingung deh mo mesen apaan, decision…decision…decision…hate it. akhirnya aku milih Chicken parmagiana n Ice cream sundae. hmm…Nice !!! Malem itu santai banget… ngeliat suasana resto yang lumayan penuh. Kirain tuh resto bakal sepi, ternyata banyak banget orang yg dateng, untung kita udah booking tempat.

Kira-kira setengah jam kita disitu, Oli udah keliatan capek banget. Matanya dikucek-kucek, keliatan ngantuk. Bahkan pas makanannya dateng, dia malah nangis. Duh… kasian banget. Tapi untungnya abis dikasih makan, dia baik2 aja. malah maen-maen ma indi. sambil nungguin dessert kita datang, rob mulai deh ngeluarin joke-jokenya. Hhh…that’s the thing i’m gonna miss the most. figur papa yang nggak pernah kebayang di benak aku, sukaaa banget ngeluarin joke-joke yang gak masuk akal, tapi klo dipikir-pikir masuk akal juga. nah lo…aku yang mulai gila nih?? LOL ^-^

Tiba-tiba mum ngeluarin bungkusan dari hand bagnya, n bilang ke Indi "Say to Nhira…nhira when u marry, your husband will give u a ring as a symbol that u r his. n now we give u this, so it means u r part of our family". Indi senyum-senyum aja…dia malah nepuk-nepuk tangannya, excited banget. n pas tuh bungkusan dikasih ke aku, aku langsung buka.

"Wow…it’s a ring…n it’s so pretty…Thank u" . aku langsung make tuh cincin,n masukin cincin aku yang lain ke box. Baguuuus banget….

"Do u like it??"

"yeah…"

"it’s your birthday stone too. i’ve been looking for that ring for months, n i couldn’t find it. n today when i went to the jewellery shop, it was there."

"thank u soo much".

"it’s a pleasure for having u Nhira…even though u always give me such a hard time.." kata Rob sambil nyengir

"isn’t u who always give me a hard time? " aku bilang. Hahahaha….SNAP!!!!

Hhh…what a life…i love this family. i have 2 families now… 2 mums n 2 dads,2 sissy n 5 bros Wow…. i must say 2 different kind of dad. Seperti yang selalu aku bilang, rasanya pengen tinggal, nerusin skul disini n bla bla bla, tapi juga rasanya pengen pulang. pengen ngumpul ma semua keluarga di samarinda, pengen ketemu temen-temen. gak kerasa ya..udah 11 bulan. Semuanya berlalu terlalu cepat.

Ntar kalau aku balik, i have to back to the old routine, or should i say back to my real life??? Hhh….i dunno. by the time i step my feet on my homeland, i am going to back to School again, do all of the hard works. Sekolah, persiapan untuk uni (makin bingung mo ngambil apaan ntar).Bangun-Sekolah-Pulang-Les-Tidur. itu mulu yang dijalanin tiap hari. How boring !!! Jadi mikir nih… apa dulu hidup aku cuma sekecil itu ya??? Hidup di Dunia Kecil Nhira…. Apa dulu aku bahagia??? Hmm…seems like brilliant question. was i happy??

i feel so disgraceful if i say i wasn’t happy. aku masih punya orang tua (lengkap bo!!), punya 1 adek yang cerewetnya minta ampun tapi toh tetep aku sayang n she loves me back (i think), gak pernah ngerasa kekurangan kasih sayang dr ortu even though papa kerja di luar kota, n mama juga sering tugas, punya keluarga yang selalu ada disana klo aku butuh n saling share, tetep pergi ke sekolah, ikut les ini itu, rumah tetep berdiri tegak, gak harus mikirin biaya ini biaya itu, mau apa-apa tinggal bilang, semua anggota badan masih lengkap, sehat walafiat,etc etc. Mo minta apaan lagi??? masih ngerasa nggak bahagia???

emang enak ya, klo cuma ngomong, susah banget nerapinnya. Teori…teori n teori. Nggak capek apa tuh otak mikir n apa tuh otak gak meledak saking penuhnya diisi ma teori-teori.

tapi bener deh..apa hidup aku yang dulu segitu …(can’t even think a word to describe it). Dulu tuh rasanya cuma mikir tentang pelajaran aja…too serious about the thing that i’m not even sure of. Selama disini jadi lebih mikir, n ngebawa efek samping banding-bandingin my past n present. Bagus sih, asal jangan sampe ngebawa hal-hal yang lain aja. So…kenapa nih??? ada apa dengan nhira???

Kalau dipikir-pikir, nih pikiran timbul karena sekarang i know different world outside my little world, see different things that i’ve never seen before, do wicked things that i never think of,meet more different type of people, so different. n it’s such a wake up call for me. "hallo…earth’s calling Nhira…r u awake??? OOpps..no…have u woken yet???"

Klo ditarik benang merahnya sih, aku nyadar Nhira 11 bulan lalu udah beda ama nhira yang sekarang. blom tau pasti apa yang berubah, tapi yang jelas aku udah mulai kenalan ma diri aku sendiri, walaupun sifat2 jelek emang blom kebuang semua. in my defence, toh gak cuma aku yang berubah. kalau nerima email atau sms dari temen2 di Samarinda mereka pada bilang "Semuanya pada berubah loh!!!!" . Hmm…apa karena udah lulus nih?? udah 17+, udah dewasa..mulai cari jati diri. Bener juga sih, klo gak sekarang kapan lagi??? walaupun pada akhirnya pepatah lama masih berlaku "mending telat daripada nggak sama sekali kan??".

Hmm…buat temen-temenku semua yang katanya pada berubah (not sure which way u r going…left or right), met ngejalanin hidup baru yah !!! pasti ntar kalau aku datang, kalian semua udah pada mencar-mencar, Ada yang ke Yogya, Surabaya, malang, Makasar,atau bahkan keluar negeri, kemana aja deh kalian pergi. aku cuma pengen bilang "do what u think u r gonna do. harus mikir baik-baik n believe in your selves" nggak semua apa yang keliatan sempurna n menarik tuh HARUS dikejar. n 1 thing… never take something for granted. u just never know what the hell is lying upon u. lucky if u still have a chance to make it up. but if not??? u don’t wanna spend the rest time of your life with regret or whatever it is, do u?

Well…well…well…i promise i won’t whingeing anymore. i just reveal the truth. THE TRUTH IS OUT N IT HURTS. Such a deep statement….can’t believe i said that. One thing i want for sure…could i just feel peace n be happy in my life??? to be honest, i’m thinking of heaps of stuff lately, n it’s kinda make me feel uncomfy. Dunno who i should believe, dunno which way i should go, completely massive puzzle. well…life is mystery, isn’t it??? i wish i had phoebe’s power so i could look at the future. Hahaha…silly Nhira!!! but i meant the thing i wished before. would it turn up all right???

all rite…before i start revealing all of my thought which is kinda silly, i’d better stop. i’m not the only one who has heaps of things to think. we all do…

WE ALL DO N I WISH EVEYTHING GOES WELL…

Never wish your life will always be smooth as, a little wriggle won’t hurt…

yakin deh, kita bakal nyampe ke tujuan kita. semua orang punya beda tujuan n cara untuk ngedapatinnya. Ada yang nyampe ke tujuannya dengan naik jet (Whoooooz…langsung nyampe), ada juga yang jalannya lurus-lurus aja, n ada juga yang belok-belok, mampir sana sini dulu, baru deh nyampe.

really…it’s hard to believe even i’m feeling a bit scared if i’m in the last category.

Just go with it nhira, will u???

How can these eyes are still crying???? What r they crying about????

To be honest yah…pas lagi ngetik nih kalimat mang blom nangis. Tapi bentar lagi, klo udah mulai ngayatin apa yang aku tulis, nih air mata bakal netes. Perhatian saudara…saudara…nih air mata bukan air mata buaya. bukan air mata yang di buat2 untuk menarik perhatian, nih air mata "diproses" dari hasil pemikiran n memori2 masa lalu yang terus2an minta diingat. Urghh….kenapa jadi cengeng gini sih??? How can these eyes are still crying???? What r they crying about????

Gosh…gila ya…kemaren tuh 30 Juni 2006 (tanggal keramat nich !!!!), hari yang bener2 gak bakal aku lupain seumur hidup. Hari terakhir aku di sekolah… hari terakhir belajar di kelas, n ketemu + diajarin ma guru2 yang menurut aku COOL banget. pagi pagi aku masih seneng2 aja…jalan ke bus stop sambil diiringin Rob yang nyanyi "Nhira is waving Goodbye…".

Pas di bus aku baca2 leraning Diary aku, siap2 untuk tes human Bio. Last day at school n i still have human Bio test on the very last period. Bloody Hell !!!! Di bus tadi, pas melanee naik bus, dia duduk di sebelah aku n tiba2 dia ngasih hadiah gitu ke aku. "It’s farewell gift for u". Aduh..tuh hadiah cute banget, hiasan kaca. Soo Cute…, " Wow…thanks..u don’t need to do that!!!!" " That’s all right… btw, i love the thing u gave to me yesterday. they r gorgeous". Emang sih, aku sengaja ngebungkus oleh2 yang aku bawa dari Samarinda untuk dikasih ma temen2 and guru2 disini, sebagai farewell gift gitu…supaya, paling nggak 5 atau 10 tahun kedepan, mereka inget klo dulu ada cewek dari samarinda yang pernah masuk ke kehidupannya mereka.

Anyway, pas pindah ke bus kecil, cleo yang duduk di depan aku bilang "Ooohh…it’s your last day!!! i’m gonna miss u when u r gone. it’s sooo sad". well…aku mulai mikir yang sedih2 nih…Urgh… pas turun dari bus, aku ngasih hadiah dr aku ke Cleo…"Ohh…thnx very much nhira…" trus kita pelukan di depan skul gitu deh. mungkin orang2 pada heran, kenapa nih pelukan pagi2 di depan skul???

Trus aku jalan ke auditorium, ketemu yang laen. aku ngasih kenag2an ke temen2 yang blom aku kasih. trus bel masukan bunyi deh. Jalan ke kelas English, aku baca2 Learning diaryku bentar trus tiba2 nicole bilang "hey…Nhira..it’s ur last day!!!!" bukan pertanyaan, tapi pernyataan. trus mereka semua pada ribut. "Why didn’t u tell us??? we could bring a cake!!" kata jody. "that’s all rite…we can drive any time…" kata amy. Pas Mr.maguire dateng, mereka ribut bilang "we have a party this lesson mr.maguire. it’s nhira’s last day. we’ll buy a cake". Aduh, pokonya pas period itu bener2 deh. mereka coba ngerayu Mr. Maguire supaya kita gak usah belajar n parahnya pake jual nama aku. Shit ey!!! "C’mon Mr.Maguire…it’s her last day n anyway it’s the last day of school. C’mon Sir !!!!" Nah lo…rayuan maut keluar deh. akhirnya Mr. Maguire gak tahan juga digombalin mulu, akhirnya kta nonton film The castle deh. kan filmnya bener2 aussie tuh bahasanya juga bener2 bahasa aussie. "Fuckin hell!!!!!" "what the fuck is that??" maafkan language saya saudara saudara….tapi itu bener2 naskah filmnya kok. mr.maguire bilang "Don’t u say that to your teacher nhira…don’t blame me" katanya sambil ketawa. Pas kelas bubar, aku, amy Mc, amy H, n sara jalan bareng ama Mr.Maguire. aku ngasih kenang2an aku ke mr maguire, dia langsung buka di tengah jalan gitu. pas liat aku ngasih itu ke mr maguire, amy langsung bilang "Wow….u r soo nice Nhira". n Alhamdulillah dia suka banget. ‘i’ll put it in dispalay cabinet n show this to the other teacher..na na na na na". Hahahaha….Mr maguire tuh lucu banget sih… Huah….bakal kangen banget ma joke-jokenya dia. Hua…..

pas recess gitu, kita ngumpul di tempat biasa, dia auditorium. kali ini tempat dimana kita biasa duduk, pada penuh…Kita bakal ngambil foto hari ini. Hahahaha….rame banget. 1 grup ngumpul bareng, duduk manis di tangga audi, karena banyak banget orangnya, kita sampe diliatin ma anak2 yang duduk di bagian laen audi. Halah…cuek aja…hari terakhir aku ini. katheryn tiba2 ngampirin aku n ngasih boneka kucing ke aku. Duh…imut banget… abis itu aku jalan bareng eila n sara ke kelas math. Gila ya….sepi amat. cuma 12 orang di kelas, n kita juga gak gitu belajar. pas mau keluar dari kelas gitu, Mr plant bilang "Nhira…thanks for your gift, they r really cool. are they from your indonesia???" "yeah…they r. glad u like it Mr plant" "well…i do…anyway…good luck, it’s a pleasure to teach u. have a safe trip home".

Pas lunch, aku langsung ngacir ke kelas bahasa indonesia… abis nyelesain personal things, aku coba nyari Mrs. mary di kantornya, tapi dia gak ada. ya udah, aku balik ke audi, coba baca2 LD tapi gak masuk2 tuh pelajaran. becanda2 ma yang laen, coba nikmatin saat2 terakhir. Uhh..maybe i’m too exaggerating kali ya, but what should i do though??? pas lagi ngobrol2 gitu, jess ma sam n krystal datang dari arah laen n tiba2 dia ngampirin n bilang "Nhira…can we talk to u for a sec??" "yeah..sure. what’s up???"

"we have something for u. it’s farewell gift for u, n jess will say the speech" katanya sambil ngelirik jess yang bawa kertas gitu. "ha??? really??? " "no…but yeah" katanya. aku cuma nyengir doank liatnya. jess ngelirik kertasnya n dia bilang "we love u"

"Ooohh….that’s so sweet. i love u too"

trus krystal ma jess sibuk ngubek2 tas, n sam ngajak2 aku ngobrol gitu (ngalihin perhatian maksudnya). "all right…ready??? "

mereka mulai ngasih 1 demi satu hadiahnya. Gila banyak banget…. pertama aku dikasih kartu ucapan. Ya ampun…berkaca-kaca mataku pas bacanya. Ugh…cengeng amat sih??? trus mereka ngelarin bookmark dengan tulisan aussie slang gitu deh, trus coins wallet, trus boomerang, trus road sign tulisannya BUGGER, trus pulpen kangguru boxing gitu (aku langsung ketawa liatnya), trus dia bilang "this is the big one nhira" n dia ngeluarin aussie hat gitu deh. aku langsung teriak ngeliatnya. "Wow….that one". dia langsung makein tuh topi di kepala aku n ku langsung meluk mereka ber3. "Thanks guys…u don’t have to give me these". "That’s all right nhira.."

trus kita balik ke audi…gak lama bel bunyi. Ugh…bugger, harus say bye ma yang laen donk!!! jadi kita pelukan gitu… jess malah sobbed gitu. Aduh…jangan nangis disini donk…jangan !!!! kita jalan bareng ke arah yang sama, trus pas nyampe di deket english office, kan kita misah. jess bilang "nhira….." sambil ngelambaiin tanagnnya. "Bye jess…."

Hhh….aku masih inget hari pertama aku di sekolah ini n tiba2 sekarang…hari terakhir. pas di kelas photography, aku nyelesain display foto aku, sambil baca2 learning diary lagi. n pas pelajaran selesai mr. byrne bilang "have a safe trip home Nhira n good luck". trus aku ma laura jalan ke kelas Human bio, pas nyampe kelas kita langsung nyari spot gitu….bukan spot untuk ngapa2in, spot untuk ngerjain tes. Uhh…kenapa sih harus ada tes di jam jam gini. c’mon..last day of school n the worst thing was on last period. Ohh…no one could think in this time… biarin deh, hasil tesnya juga gak ngaruh lagi buat aku. I’M OUTTA HERE!!!!!!!

Pas waktu tes mo abis n aku udah males mikir lagi, akhirnya ya udah…diem di kursi. Mr. brothers bagiin learning diary kita. n pas nyampe didepan aku dia bilang "This is really good" n pas aku buka untuk ngeliat nilainya aku dapat 18/18. yay….. Sebelum aku keluar kelas, mr bro nyalamin aku "Good luck Nhira!!!!" n laura ma nicole kan mo keluar kelas gitu, tiba2 mereka balik n bilang "ahh…i’m gonna miss u" n jadinya kita pelukan gitu. "take care nhira…call me when u come back here". "No worries…"

aku jalan ma jess ke depan skul, n kan biasanya aku duduk di blok rumput gitu, ngobrol2 sambil nungguin bus dateng, tuh tempat biasanya gak penuh2 amat, n kali ini…tuh tempat penuuuh banget. jess, kate, sam, krystal, svenja, althea, jasmin,smuanya deh…trus mrs. mary juga ada disitu. nah lo???? pas aku makin deket, jess tiba2 nunju2 ke arah aku.

abis aku naruh file photographyku, aku langsung bilang ke mrs.mary "where were u. i was loking for u at lunch time"

"i was in spencer park primary. well…this is for u nhira" dia ngasih kartu ma kado gitu deh. "Wow…thanks mrs. mary". "thanks for your help in my indonesian class. n someday i’ll knock on your door, i’d like to visit u sometimes n meet your family"

"Yeah…sure. u r more than welcome" gave her a big cuddle n dia pergi deh. trus althea bilang "another present.."

"yeah…another one". trus aku buka kadonya..n hey…i got kangoroo!!!! Hahaha….n ada 1 kotak, yang later on aku buka isinya anting2 opal gitu Duh…bagusnya. n amlop itu…isinya kartu ucapan n juga badge ASHS. Wow….suka banget!!!!! pas bus dateng, kita langsung sibuk pelukan gitu… gak mau pergi!!!!! jess mulai sobbing gitu…Damn…nih mata mulai gak bisa diajak kompromi deh. "Nhira…"kt jess sambil natap dengan mata yg gimanaaaa gitu. "Jess…don’t make me cry!!!!" aku bilang

aku lari2 ke bus…udah telat banget , tuh bus terpaksa nungguin aku deh. n di skul bus, kayaknya nih air mata udah gak bisa ditahan lagi. tiba2 aja netes air mata. Urgh….i tried to stop it, but i couldn’t. mana kevin ngeliat lagi…Urgh….NOT HAPPY !!!!!!

Urgh…kok jadi mellow banget gini??? pengen pulang…tapi juga gak pengen. rasanya ninggalin temen2 n keluarga disini lebih sedih deh daripada ninggalin temen2 n keluarga di Samarinda. mungkin karena pas aku ninggalin semua yang ada di Samarinda dulu aku sadar klo aku cuma pergi untuk 11 bulan n setelah itu bakal balik lagi.

apa itu berarti aku gak yakin klo aku bakal alik lagi ke sini??? orang-rang disni pada yakin aku bakal balik, masa aku sendiri gak ada keyakinan akan diri aku sendiri??? Urgh…old nhira’s back everyone!!!!

To all people that i know…i love u guys heaps…

Hidup bukan untuk bersedih…

Engkau hanya harus memilih

meski harus menahan pedih yang dalam…

(Meninggalkanmu - Jikustik)

Sebuah akhir bukan berarti akhir dari segalanya kan??? Siapa tahu itu adalah awal dari sesuatu yang baru

U just never know…..

End of Stay Camp in York

Dear Blog….

I’m back !!!! Ugh, my legs are killing me !!! i just had my AFS Orientation camp in York. Mind u..it’s my LAST one. Anyway..last friday, i caught the bus from Albany to East perth station. spent 6 hours sit on the bus, n when i got there, i had to wait about 1.5 hours for the other afs students to come. it was about 4.30 pm, no exchange students came n i hardly saw the afs leaders. so i decided to walked around n found them. i didn’t find any afs leaders, but i found 1 exchnge student that i’ve never met before. so we chilled n decided to go back inside. n there i found Minalka (afs coord) called me. so we went to the other side of the building then i saw liz, charles n yves, then not long after that, eerika n stephie came, then taylor n tania. n we had to wait for the bus again. it took 4ever!!!!! we r all hungry!!!!

when the bus finally came…we all got on the bus, the bus was half full already. i met half of the xchange student, then we went to midland to pick the rest of xchange student n off we went to York. when we got there n got off from the bus, it was freezing. so we hurried get in the house n warmed up. caught up with all of them, n half of them r going to safari, so we’re talking about safari. then we had pizza for dinner… and after that, we got on the AFS thing. we r divided into 2 groups. end of group n mid year group.

end of year group talked pretty much about what we did, how we changed n everything, all of the fear n expectation that we had when we first got here, n for our next life. and also we read the letter from us to ourselves..i was laughing when i read mine. i didn’t realize that i was so naive. Hahahaha…..well…at least i’m happy about how everything’s going in my life. i’ve done everything i wanna do, even more than i wanna do. all of the silly little things that makes me upset are NOTHING. so happy i finally could say that.

And then, we just did everything that we wanna do. caught up with friends and stuff. i’m definitely gonna miss this. and when i was talking to alice n Chihiro in the hall way. Tim (afs leader) said "Don’t come to the big room, all right" , n we just nodded even though we r confusing what was going on. n i became more confusing when tim dragged me to the big room. then i step in the dinner room, i saw tania lighted the candle n she gave me one. "take this…it represents your exchange year" then i walked in the big room n Matt greeted me n said "sit wherever u wanna sit" then i saw liz sat on the centre of the room, lots of pillow and candle in the middle around, and also relaxing CD was on, looked really peaceful, so i sat next to her. one by one the end of year student came n we sat on the circle..n after all of us were there, liz started talking. she talked about sort of our reflection when we r here…n also in 1 month, we’ll leave this country, leave our host family n friend or in a short word..leave our life here. So sad….then we talked about what we felt, and after we finished talking we blew our candle off. sooo sad…..

Then after that, basicly just free time. we talked about everything, jimmy gave me goodbye card. that’s so pretty. then when i felt really tired, i went to bed n woke up in cold the next morning. we had breakfast, charles made the pancake for us. then after breakfast, we did energizer. we did this to get rid the cold feeling n it worked. n after that, we did the AFS thing again, now we r talking about us before we came n we r now. have we changed? n i think i change. i think i’m happier than before (doesn’t mean i wasn’t happy), not only focus on 1 thing, there r lots more to see n think than what i used to see n think, more appreciate everything that i got. and after that we had morning tea, talked about soccer n stuff n yves tried to insulting but also love the other countries. Silly yves !!!!

after the discussion, we had lunch. that was yummy… pumpkin soup n sausage rolls. Yummy !!!! n after lunch, we wnet for a walk around the town…this town is pretty. we talked all the way to town, even i had a bit of discussion with jimmy. that’s good… n after that, we were heading back to the camp site, got on the bus n off we went to the shearing shed. we saw the people did the shearing and we did that as well. i had a go and i loved it. they told us everything about the shearing stuff n after that, we walked around to see the emu. and after a while, we decided it’s time to go. Julian, Ale, n Marta went straight away from there to perth, to catch the plane to sydney. so we said goodbye to them n we headed back to camp site. we had nothing to do, so we just did some random stuff n more people went back to perth. and when it was about dinner time, it’s only me,tiki,maria,kao,tang mo,chihiro,jimmy,fernanda,mily,eva,n hanna n also liz n tania as the leaders, n allison n grand ma as the cooks.

the dinner was absolutelly nice, roast beef n vedgies…Hmm….Yummy !!!! n when we were eating liz n tania said "Guys…we r going to have Talent Show tonight". we started to think what we were gonna do. i had no idea at all….n finally me,tiki n maria thought to sing n dance. i told them the afs songs that i got from afs indonesia. firts i told them the "Walk together n Talk together song" n when i sang the "From coast to coast song" they liked it. so we did that song n we tried to choreo the dance. Well….it was good basicly we just humiliated our selves among the people. But it’s worth it though, they like it n gave us the loud claps. Tiki lost her voice slightly after that, n we teased her that’s because she was singing. actually, she wasn’t singing that much, she made the sound of aussie bush n just laughing at us. Shit ey !!! but still had very great time !!!! i woke up until late…n when i, tiki n maria went to the kitchen to get a drnk, we met liz n she said "nhira…u r still up!! i’m so proud of u" she said while touched my head softly. n when we got back to our dorm, i didn’t go to sleep straight away, i was talking with maria n kao about host fam n stuff. n we r up until past 2 o clock n i slept in maria’s bed while she slept on the floor.

in the morning..it was freezing again. liz made us get up, n when she saw me "Nhira…there u are. i didn’t see u in your bed. i thought u went somewhere". "No..i’m not going anywhere, i slept there" i pointed out maria’s bed. eva n hanna left the camp site when we were up, so said goodbye to them n then we had breakky. tiki definitely had a problem with talking. she had no voice to speak… Hahahaha LOL!!!! even she called our group as Teddy bear group. cos i called maria Teddy Bear n i’m obsessed with Play School theme song. Hahahaha….sooo funny !!!!!

after that, i had interview with liz. just talked about everything n she recorded it. so we’ll get the cassette back n we could listen to how our english improves. i listened to it this morning, n i sound really funny. couldn’t bear to laugh at myself. and after everyone had a turn, we packed up, cleaned up n ready to go. liz took us to the river, we took lots of pics n i felt so happy and sad at the same time. My last chance to hang out with them. we walked across the hanging bridge..well…not really walking i s’pose. we ran across the bridge. n made kao freaked out. we took lots of pics in there. n then ate our morning tea in the park while waiting for the bus came. n when the bus came, we finally had to say good bye…even liz has to drag jimmy got in the bus, because we still wanna be together. Sooo sad… i said goodbye to all of them…they r really cool. thanks for everything guys, thanks for laughing with me…

Friends forever….

we knew each other about 4 months ago but at the first time we met, we just click u know… i’m gonna miss u all guys soo much. n also liz…Hahaha…she’s really cool leader.

Huh…i only have 4 weeks left…dunno what to do…

so many things to do…

so little time left…

in 1 month, i’ll be back to my home town, the place i live until a year ago…meet all of the people that i’ve known since i was a kid…back to my old routine…

Those things look really strange for me now

Ugh…God…help me…guide me to the right place. i know u always have the greatest plan for me.

My resolution when i ‘m back is just be happy. try to enjoy every seconds of my life… Don’t be too serious…try to be a better person.

Exam’s over n counting down

Pheuw….exam’s over

Setelah "nge date" ama buku-buku warna - warni yang berisi bahasa asing dari planet lain itu, akhirnya aku bisa lepas deh dari mereka. Selasa lalu (6 juni) exam nya dimulai. untung hari itu aku cuma ada English exam. well…i thought that wasn’t too bad. English exam beda banget ma Ulangan bahasa Indonesia. Di Indo, klo ulangan bahasa Indo, kita harus ngapal gimana cara buat surat resmi ini n itu, sebutkan tahap2 untuk ngebuat ini n itu…aduh, apaan sih. iya kalau kita juga ngapal yang gituan, kalau nggak? mati kutu kan? Bahasa indonesia kan bahasa pertama kita, kita emang perlu tahu tahap2 n cara2 nyusun ini n itu, tapi kenapa mereka nggak bikin soal yang justru bikin pikiran kita berkembang. nggak cuma kepatok ma buku2 doank.

English exam disini, mereka nggak ngasih kita sejubung pertanyaan yang text book banget. mereka ngasih 2 wacana, n tugas kita untuk mengidentifikasi tuh wacana. Dengan gitu, guru bisa tahu klo nih anak punya gagasan bagus, pikirannya maju. n kita juga ada extended answer yang cocok banget untuk mengapresiasikan pandangan kita mengenai sesuatu hal. Nggak usah hal yang rumit, hal-hal tentang sehari-hari aja. Huh….gemes banget rasanya. Gemes karena sebentar lagi aku bakal ngadapin itu semua. Back to my hard life….

Anyway…. abis tuh english exam…hari kamisnya aku ada math exam…Asli ya..sebelum tuh exam, aku freak out banget. Tiba2 semua ketenangan ancur, pas lagi nunggu masuk Youth centre, malah menggigil nggak karuan. emang sih, cuaca hari itu juga gak nice banget. mendung n windy…. tapi alhamdulilllah, semua kegelisahan itu nggak berarti apa-apa. aku bisa ngerjain Exam nya… nggak percuma nih otak sampe butek liat angka2 math. n exam human bio…Oh gosh…that was a nightmare. it was bloody hard….. especially the extended answer, made me wanna cry….hope i’ll get good result.

But as soon as i made my way out the door, i tried to forget everything n just lied back. borrowed couple books from school lib n then went to town, wondered around n had a rest at town library n got 3 more books again. Yuhuu…..it would keep me occupied.

so here i am…just enjoy my day off. So nice…i wanna finish my unfinished business. Oh..yeah..very very unfinished business. Hehehe….

Hey..ges wot? i think i’m going crazy now. i am definitely Eagles fans now…everytime i watched their games, i always can’t contol myself. everytime their opponent make the goal, i’ll scream, n when they make the goal, i even scream louder. And this last 2 weeks, they always make me even crazy. In the first and second quarter, they looked like they caouldn’t play really well. Tim lawan terus terusan ngecetak gol, mereka cuma masukin 1 point ke tim mereka. n pas di last quarter (2 minggu lalu), pas mereka ngelawan melbourne, mereka tuh ketinggalan 9 goal (54 points), tapi akhirnya mereka berhasil nyusul di last quarter n akhirnya berhasil ngalahin melbourne, menang dr mereka dengan 2 point ahead. Shit ey !!!! n weekend barusan, pas mereka ngelawan carlton, lagi2 mereka ngelakuin hal yang sama. bahkan di awal last quarter, mereka kayaknya blom bisa main sebaik yang mereka bisa. pas di last 10 mins, baru deh mereka mulai nyerang lagi. mereka cuma 5 goal behind, pas tinggal 5 menit, mereka masih jelek mainnya, sampai akhirnya aku bilang "Nah…they r not gonna win this time". but i was wrong…. pas di 2 menit terakhir, suddenly they could manage to put their shit together…n they did it again…won by 10 points. Huh….i was soo happy n when i watched it…don’t even ask me to tell u. so embarassing i s’pose. i couldn’t stop jumping n screaming in front of the tv in the lounge room. My extended answer example question was in my hand, but i didn’t have time to look at it while they were playing. Mum was in the kitchen, prepared the tea, n finally she stopped whatever it was she’s doing n watched the last 1 min with me…when finally they took the lead, i was jumping on the steps. Mum just shook her head… Well…it’s the side effect after u took me to MCG Mum…Don’t blame me !!!!!

N tadi malem, pas aku ma Rob nonton FIFA World Cup. Big game loh…Aussie vs japan. kita berdua mikir Aussie bakal kalah, mereka punya banyak chance untuk masukin goal, cuma kurang ketepatan aja. n pas di 15 menit sebelum pertandingan selesai, kita makin yakin aussie bakal kalah, ngeliat posisi Aus vs jpn 0-1. n pas di 10 menit terakhir akhirnya cahill berhasil nyetak gol. jadi sekarang aussie seimbang ma jepang. kami ber2 teriak pas dia nyetak gol n makin ngakak pas denger komentar komentatornya "Wow..cahill…he’s been eating his weetbix". Hahaha…i reckon that was funny. n i believed what he said when he kicked another goal 5 mins after. Go Tim Cahill !!!! they should’ve put him on the team in the first place. and then again…it wasn’t over yet, Jono kicked another goal n finally aussie won. What a great last minute for Aussie. Go Aussie….

tuh lounge room isinya emang cuma 2 orang, tp ributnya kaya ada 10 orang disitu. huh….So Happy…..

Tinggal 1 bulan lagi nih…. jadi tambah kangen ma semua.

am i having a long face???

Am i having a long face??

dunno…i don’t really know what i’m feeling at the moment. so silly, as always. Hahaha…..

Hey…ges wot??? i’m leaving in 1.5 months. Hua…hua…time goes so fast, i don’t even feel it. first time i got here, i felt like i couldn’t survive. 10 months seemed like bloody long time to go, but now at this sec, i feel like i haven’t been here for 10 months or so. I WANT MORE !!!! Hahahaha…another time probably. Hope so…

Anyway..i’m a bit freaking out now. exam is on…and i just think i’m not ready, even though i still have a bit of time to study. i have a day off for preparing everything. but the problem is I JUST CAN’T BE BOTHERED. i did my english exam today. i thought it was all right, but most of my friend said it was hard. Ohh… i don’t know. i don’t wanna be too confident. one down, two to go !!! Yay…..

Hmm…what else i should say. i don’t really know what on earth i’m writing this.Just to keep me occupied i think. How uncanny !!!! Hmm…. i was watching 60 minutes this sunday. and it was talking about Michel leslie and her adventure in bali. when i watched it, i felt like i was slapped on my face.

she said she wasn’t guilty. she ’s the victim of someone. She got trapped by one of indonesian minister’s son or someone’s son who has a power in indonesia. and she also revealed the "fact" that actually she could go home at the night she got arrested IF she wanted to pay $ 33000. according to her "indonesian police said that". and also she said that she has to admit to the police that she’s guilty so she could go home soon. they mixed her urine with the drugs, to prove the law that she’s guilty, then all of the complicated process become shorten. her indonesian lawyer asked her to do so, because he thought if she kept playing the "angel scenario", (she kept saying that she’s not guilty), she’ll stay in jail LONGER than the amount of time she has to spend in jail if she admit she’s guilty. "believe me..we used to do it, and it always works" said her indonesian lawyer.

she kept telling her story. and i just sit there, couldn’t do anything, just listened to her. i have no idea what really happened. at 1 point, i just wanna make her shut up, but obviously i can’t. and the fact that everything that she said could be true. i felt really miserable… i wanna stand up for my country, but there’s tiny part of my heart who kept telling me "it’s could be true you know. you can’t close your eyes, n deny that they won’t do such a thing. because u do believe that they r capable for doing that". Ooh…Indonesia… i don’t even know what to say anymore. so pathetic…

and also she revealed the truth that SHE ISN’T MUSLIM. she wore hijab just to protect her self. dunno why, i was so relieved. Uhh….i can’t think anymore. i’m so stuffed…catch u soon…