a Letter to Nhira

Dear Nhira,
I know you can do well on your bachelor thesis exam
I'm not saying this because you are "someone like you"
It's just because you know deep inside your heart, that you would do your best to achieve your dream

Dear Nhira,
Cry, if you think it will unleash your anxiety
Pray, when you feel too much tensions in you
Dream, when you want to loosen up
Last, back on your feet and start to make a move

Dear Nhira,
It is okay to be frightened
it is okay to feel miserable
But,, You ought to remember one thing!!!
You have all prayers and support behind your back
When you fall, they will catch your back right away
And when you rise, they will fly with you
It is as simple as that

Dear Nhira,
You are going to be great tomorrow and afterwards
You are going to be fine 

Sincerely
Wahyu Nhira Utami

almost a DOT

Ujian Skripsi

Wahyu Nhira Utami. 30 Maret 2011. 12.30. G 202

The date and time'd been set 
I am now trying to study and to understand everything related to my bachelor thesis 
I am praying for God's terrific decision upon me, praying that God's will is going to go in line with mine 


Last but not the least, i'm asking for your pray. 
So i can pass through the D day well and alive :) 

Amin...

The night gown

I have seen Quiet lots of women wearing their night gowns
They effortlessly  fit on them
and coincidentally, in my opinion, those who look fit on their night gown are GREAT MOM..

So will it be possible if i draw a conclusion that a woman who looks perfectly fit on their night gown is a great mom?  

Hahaha,,, i wish it's as simple as that.

Back on the topic, what do i exactly mean with "the night gown looks effortlessly fit on her"?

It seems like her night gowns are meant for her
not because its beauty lace, elegant look or its expensive design. NO.. NO AT ALL
It's because it makes her look like a real woman

A woman who's
born to hug her loved ones in the beginning and in the end of the day

A woman with
a big heart to conquer everything for her family

A woman who
looks fragile but eventually stronger than anyone could be

A woman with
intelligence and warm heart not only to educate her kids, but also to hold decent fair discussion with her husband

So,, will my hypothesis be proven?
Even tough it is, i might not find any scientific explanation

What i wish for now is ...
I look great on my night gown and i could be this kind of woman for my family :)

In the middle of storm

At this moment, i am in the point of contemplating

Too many contemplating i guess, so it makes my head too full and ready to blow up. 

For a moment, this little head of mine is occupied by the present days. 

I am ,sometimes, questioning myself for what i am doing at the moment. 

Fortunately i am now stepping on my -almost- finished bachelor thesis

Which then makes me wonder about everything

Standing in this phase made me think A LOT

I have figured out about what i am going to do after this bachelor thesis phase finally reach its last line. 

I am going to get my master degree and pursuing my psychologist licence

It's good that i already have a thought about this,

but then another formula called "what if" cross the line 

WHAT IF i couldn't make my way to that point? 

To be honest, this thought is the nightmare thought of all

WHAT IF I'm not going to graduate in May?

WHAT IF I fail my master degree test? 

WHAT IF .... WHAT IF ... and thousands of WHAT IF ...

1 friend once quoted a movie line which said 

What and If are good, but once you put them together it will threatened you

and i second that!! 100% 

I know most people will say 

Calm down Nhira.. You'll make it! Someone like you will do just fine! 

For a moment, i really wish i that i could buy that. 

However, something inside me just won't let me to.

somehow i feel like screaming 

this someone like me just doesnt feel good about herself and her ability

this someone like me is afraid that she's been misjudging herself

There's always be an extra credit for being me. Even tough i'm a mess (for now), i'm still be able to see things from different perspectives. 

the positive perspective conclude that 

i am now in temporary mental turbulence. when i finish 1 thing (in this case, my bachelor thesis exam), surely 1 priority will be cut. My self esteem will increase (even a bit) then i'm going to prepare for my next target. So, it's just a matter of time. I need to focus on the pre exam first then i will have more time to think about the after exam stuff. 

Right,,, that's the positive side of me talking. Is it true? Hell, i wish it is and i'm gonna make sure it is!!

But then, the negative side wants to have his turn as well 

i am kinda desperate. It's mid march already. i haven't got an ACC from my supervisor. i don't know when i'm going to hold my sacred exam, which going to affect when my graduation would be. i'm kinda freak out about the exam. am i gonna fail? are the revision would be too much? Ooohh,,dont forget about the signature chasing!! my friends said that it's pain in the ass :(. 

Hhhhhh,,,,, Total eclipse mate... TOTAL ECLIPSE!!!

You might think that i am over reacting. Well, walk in my shoes now, then you gotta tell me, right into my eyes that i am over reacting!

Okeyy,, i am too emotional. I -unfortunately- gotta admit that

Stressors are on me

I'm coping

and as far as i know, im doing both problem focused and emotional focused coping..

I know it is a process, that's why it takes time

I pressume i just need to keep doing my best, keep my mental state as balance as i can, last but not least pray to Allah. 

I hope my fate is going in line with my desire

Let's just pray